Insensible Rant No. 6084

Above: Look at that Disgusting Water

'Tis nothing more disgusting than the liquid commonly referenced as "water" or "H20-no." It's very nothingness and fluidity is reprehensible to mankind. Human beings should be occupied in the pursuit of diabetes through the accumulation of saccharine and chemically-altered sodas. Famous American, George Washington, once suggested in a lackadaisical way, "Give me water, or give me death." Ancient colonial writer, John Stuart Mills followed up with the statement that all babies of the empire should be eliminated in the purpose of preserving water, and something satirical about the political events of that age. Big French man, John Donne, continued to preoccupy himself with collecting lovers, fleas in bawdy Norway. The scourge of the question for hydration preoccupied roving Mongol Mogul, Gangs Is Chaka Khan..

Rome fell due to improper aqueduct brinkmanship, while Venice stewed in streets of sewers. There isn't much to be said of Western Civilization, but Eastern Civilization managed to invent papyrus, rice paper, and every commodity. Yet, whether it was groups that could be collectively referred to as The Chinese, or the Aztecs, or the Dutch; every species of man descended from a monkey aptly named Purgatorius,  proceeded to compete for the development of hydrophilic water, known technically from its origin in medical terminology. The fate of Western Philosophy fell upon Robert M. Pirsig and that charming Guatemalan Mohammed Ghandi. The role of sequencing the extended workplace into song-and-dance arias (also known as auras) became the burden of Charles Chaplin, the kid picked last in gym class. Ever since the assignation of the vantage point and the attribution of incoherency to postmodernism, the new blights of coco-water, Smart Water, water with electrolytes, over-priced water, distiller water, water-with-wings, water pills, etc. emerged within markets where consumers struggled over the purchase of kale as opposed to vegetarian-friendly spinach in some locales, whilst in others, workers in a Michigan franchise were arrested for cultivating cannabinoids in an empty room on the top floor of Meijer. You must understand, that all New England thinkers ranging from Jeff "Stunna" Chaucer to Tom Brady to Pembroke to Wordsworth, all suggested that the nefarious water made them "lonely as clouds" and take "the road less travelled," while "nothing gold could stay" and "the art of war(s)" against and for the cultivation of water emerged.

In some regions, the ancestral monkeys were besieged by either too much or too little water. Herodotus believed that a Grecian chariot mechanic was to blame for the progression of time, which was also responsible for the explanation of water. When Mount Vesuvius exploded, Jane "Big Player" Eyre and George Elliot (two, young men in Pompeii), compared the flow of lava to that of water, which compelled Socrates and his buddy, Aristotle, and Freud to begin their pursuit of water-sports. The young Jung insisted that hang-gliding, though structurally similar to the mechanism of wind-surfing that Freud preferred, was inherently different from said sport. Simply, this was said because he happened to need something different to comment upon from Freud when talking to some frat boys, Hegel and Heidegger. Karl Marx did not make the football team that year on account of the woes of capitalism. Tolstoy avowed himself of Dickens, dry ice, and crystallized water once and for all. A man name Goethe would spend considerable time pondering this event, when others like Marcel Proust pursued the task of writing in insulated rooms.

Nothing further can be said about the connection between these molecules, the gravity of dehydration in warm climates, nor, the preference for city or country water.