Sundays were the worst of the post-grad dregs. After college, I struggled to find something to fill the time on a Sunday afternoon/ early evening from when I used to do homework. In September, by the time the flashes and sunspot-like splotches had faded from my eyes after all those party pictures, I started to hang out with a slightly older crowd. We watched movies on Sunday afternoons in the winter instead of doing homework: Louis Malle (ALL LOUIS MALLE ALL THE TIME), Robert “Striker” Altman, Todd “Total Creeper” Solondz. I wanted my friends to come over and watch Bebe Zeva at my house. I filled out entry fields on Facebook with characters. I selected a date and time. I clicked through a chain of embedded_featured links on YouTube while searching for an image to set to a mood I can’t quite define.
I settled on a screen shot of Bebe Zeva, after all, she is supposed to be the central female muse in this, so that made her something like the spitting image of image itself. I uploaded clips of Tao and Megan in Taiwan looking of dubious sobriety and doing their best nonsensical commentary (“riffing”). The image I thought could potentially best apply to the film was one Jordan Castro posted. At least, I should note that I assume this is Jordan Castro, but I’ve never met him. I am only vaguely aware of his internet presence, so I can’t be entirely positive. He could be a figment of my imagination, some weird permutation in an invented hyper-reality for the lack of empirical sense data….

His video caught my attention because I hoped it was a nod toward the type of meta, self-referential critique/ irony that I want in media. The clip next to Castro read, “Bored, depressed rich kid does homework,” which kind of made me want to loathe him immediately. I proceeded to show it to a friend who immediately erupted into a fit of what could only be described as a cackle-that-shook-the-whole-undercrust-of-the-molten-earth-and-its-shiny-insides kind of cackle.
Castro, or at least the vlogger that I presume to be him, JordanCastrolsFucked, hit on a recognizable image associated with writing and within just a few characters. I think that “bored, depressed, rich kid” is a particular brand of writer, one that is painfully self-aware.
The new writer is one that is capable of engendering a virtual social space with recognizable citations to past moments of culture. But, given that this all exists in a removed arena of circuitry or a pause within mind, I wanted to see how other people react to Bebe Zeva, the same way I had introduced them to Tao Lin when I was obsessed with “figuring out what it all meant. And, here, I must note that the stylistic appropriation of scare quotes in front of the text is a riff on the scare quote phenomenon.
Incidentally, this style is a feature that I did not create, but I like this idea that my friend came up with and I’ve started to use it, occasionally. I think the quotes in front of the word are another movement or thought past citing irony. You might use the double quotes when you’re supposed to be all ironic and clever and sarcastic and shit, but you sort of don’t want to be like that. You sort of just want to acknowledge that all of that is there and, yes, the damnable fallacy of words always exists, but you’re choosing momentarily to only acknowledge that it can be addressed.
This sentiment suits my personal perspective, though, and I recognize that. Part of why I decided to invite people over was because I wanted to see how other people would respond to this film. I get a coffee-jittery feeling on Sunday. I hate waiting to see who shows up. I walk to the store. I get something arbitrary like dish soap. I find things to do with my hands, with my time, with waiting. I feel like something important is going to happen, but I can’t pinpoint what it is, only that that is what motivates me to screen this movie.
One thing that Megan Boyle mentioned in the Rumpus interview that I liked was how she said, “My thought activity before meeting was split between the expectations created from discussing the night’s plans with Tao, the image I had Bebe, feeling excited about what we were doing, and trying to quiet my awareness of the camera/ environment/ social anxiety so I could focus on ensuring Bebe would have fun and feel comfortable.”
Because, face it, making things/ creating/ churnin’ culture can be a daunting task. I had no idea how my friends were going to react and part of me is motivated by a desire to have others lead me through paths of thought I wouldn’t otherwise consider. The things I learn become part of my internal monologue, the things I repeat to myself to remain calm. Even referencing my internal monologue is something a different friend taught me. I want to point it out I didn’t come up with. Because I don’t know everything. I just keep a collection of helpful mementos in my pocket, ones than I can take out and consult in the leaflet of my mind.
I want to say that nothing can be replete in and of itself. There is always, perennially, some notion or element of depth that the very act of writing fails to encapsulate by its unique nature. Some part of a person or an idea is lost in the very act of generation. All I mean to say is, this is a reconstruction of an event that is now in my ”past events on Facebook and here is one way of describing the tangents we traced.
There is a grouping of about 4-7 people at the room in any given time including two dudes playing Magic Cards. If such a thing can be cool. They are the type of guys who dislike this type of writing on principle. They might disapprove of the facets of this style that have potential to conscript them into a moment of being or a caricature of themselves. One mentions that the beginning of the movie where Bebe, Megan and Tao are in the car reminds them of the beginning of a porno. I drink too much wine and mix up plot lines.
I ask/ we all ask questions like, Why is Tao Lin force-feeding her ice cream? Is it to show that they’re using these roles to sculpt her persona or something? Why is it so psycho-sexual? Is this ironic or unintentionally so? What does it mean?
My questions are, “What am I supposed to write about this? What if I write something negative and no one in this industry ever ever publishes me? What if I they take everything I say way too critically? What if I’m not used to rejection? What what I have to say offends someone? What if there is no real thing as free speech–”
We just get questions.
And, then, I would say a sort of complacent mood descend upon us all. I wonder if the point of post-ironic movies, then, is to generate these conversations. To get us to question how recipient we are to perceiving media.
The next day, I’m watching this movie again. Someone else comes in while I’m watching the movie and talks about how they don’t necessarily think Bebe is pretty. They say that all the comments she makes are like what a fat person thinks about food (“Did she just say she found gratification in hot pockets ‘cos that’s kind bad ass”). It’s a boy who makes this statement. I glare at him, but by the end of the movie he is saying, like, I guess she is kind of hot.
He asks me whether I’m going to be telling any of this to Tao Lin (“He seriously sounds like he’s on tons of pills. He sounds like Corey Haim. Should he be driving? You’re sending this to Tao Lin? Tell him I said that. Are you writing this down? (I nod.) Tell him I said that. Yea, good.) when I write this down.