Enactivism

Not too long ago, I was using my smartphone and noticed a bizarre malfunction. I was emailing a new acquaintance for the first time. I had to copy their e-mail address to the phone's clipboard, then paste it into an e-mail. Imagine my surprise when the person's e-mail address was displayed as being so long it ran off the page. Not only was it not their e-mail, but it was a quote. I Googled the quote and found the source as being from this site. Not only did I have no recollection of ever accessing this website, but the quote popped up when I pasted it to my new friend's e-mail to send them a photo. 

The nefarious quote, taken from the website, read,

'Think before you Share' Don't describe or blog or tweet about the problem. Don't talk it over with your friends right away; let it stew a little in your mind so you can settle down a little. Sometimes, well-meaning friends will sympathize too much, which may only add fuel to your fire and get you even more upset.

 So, instead of allowing me to share a file, the person's e-mail address was replaced by a quote chastising me about the downsides of sharing micro-information. I might occasionally peruse WikiHow articles about topics related to "How To Iron A Dress Shirt" or some such quandary. I don't have an incentive to check out forums on modifying one's behavior when better resources exist. For example, one flip through Be Here Now is much more gratifying than an over-simplified list about keeping one's cool, buried under advertisements for weight loss supplements. That's not to say that there are worse uses for people's time than attempting to provide a service for those seeking self-improvement online. 

However, I received this blurb shortly after making a couple scathing posts about noticing connections between the fictional attitudes of communities, collective biases of individuals, and how these same tendencies become expressed in a hyperreal dynamic. Based on what I'm familiar with about group behavior, community is often formed at the exclusion of either locational characteristics or the projection of less desirable traits on convergent, or perceived to be, contradictory groups. I've studied the relation between geolocational identity and how this influences one's integration within pre-existing communities. 

Just interesting to think that this mishap happened right after blogging about how the Internet is supposed to make us feel more connected to one another, but it strikes me as rather impersonal. In addition to that, it is another realm of socialization. Therefore, it's not some sanctity that's positive or, at least, unbiased in structure. I am not surprised to find that I'd attract more unfollowers associated with the University of Michigan when blogging something negative about said institution. Quite frankly, people basically fear being associated with criticizing institutions that pay them, or seek to have this idealization of said place. It is my opinion that if one wants to truly improve the conditions of such places, then one has to speak about both what must and mustn't change. 

Mallinger Receipt

Twitter

Researching, "Not Following Me Back/ There are 68 people who you follow, that do not follow you back."

unfollowed @misoks after she unfollowed me after I suggested she was classist for being 248-4-lyfe. Think I drunkenly thought about posting about how I wish that nationalist or state-specific parties in the U.S.A. and China should have a wrestling match. Pretty sure I never posted that (100%) & didn't suggest classism. Read a tweet she wrote that bragged about never changing a 248 area code. Hypothesized, "Oh, are you going to make fun of me, again, for not having a metro Detroit area-code, like freshman year in college?" That must have earned me the canner.

Well, regardless, I get hoes in different area-codes who hate me. Got unfollowed by this terrible girl named Jackie who used to talk shit about me at my workplace as a salaried employee when I was making $9/hrish as opposed to 30-45K. She used to bake cookies for people, then yell at my manager for helping me with my workload when it became too demanding. Go yew! Nice puppy.

Tao Lin. Tao Lin never followed me. He replies to emails I write him about once every 1-2 years about our shared mutual research interests. He friended me on LinkedIn, then unfriended me. Think we're still friends on Google Plus. If he reads this, he needs to unfriend me on Google +. Did not review his book, told him 1-2 stories about my life in China, not sure as to what prompted this disavowal, but he can think what he wants. I'll still say I like his writing.

BTW, don't worry this isn't a "hit list," or any such nonsense.

Leigh Alexander was recommended to me by XX on the basis that she "writes about video games; and, then Tweets a lot while drunk." No matter how into her feminism she proclaims to be, she doesn't follow back.

Megan Boyle. Never followed me. Was or is married to Tao Lin. Reviewed a video that Tao gave me about them hanging out in Vegas with the model from Hipsterunoff. Her writing is not available in China on taobao, but Tao's is resold in China (at the time when I tried to purchase both of their books).

Brandon Gorrell needs to unfriend me on Facebook because I compared Thought Catalog to GQ, and, yet, if my life were ever interesting: my Twitter would be more interesting than my Facebook. If he wrote his last book, it was awesome.

dasracist. I wrote about them, somewhere. Maybe, it was The Onion or, maybe, it was my website. Possibly, it was Thought Catalog (though I doubt it). I know that Sarah Lawrence is compared to NYU in tuition rates. Unfollowing, but I liked their music. My friends in Chicago can attest that a portion of the band is shy & hates rapping. Ganja predominates any of their concerts.

Clara. Probably unfollowed me because I Facebook messaged her boyfriend about some clothing that was mistakenly given away to 714 Lawrence. Also, mistakenly given away was my painting, 714 Lawrence to an art collector in Ypsi. Who knows what happened to that? Also, she hated my Twitter.

Christine Hoberg. Friends with my friend Hyatt. Removing on the basis of not following without a follow back.

thefreekwame. Don't know why I unfollowed myself, but maybe someone who knew the password to that account unfollowed me.

ThoughtCatalog, makenoisemusic, fecalface... wouldn't follow me unless I was Yoko.

Lindsay_Howard. Someone said she made great web art. Followed because she was the first person I witnessed who used a .gif in her Twitter bio pic (not biopic).

AtheneLOL. Used to subject my friends at Nakamura to Athene, then abandoned his YouTube videos.

BreakingNews, metrotimes. Mass account does not follow back.

Sporcle. Not that interested in clock design.

Bramble. She's not annoying.

chelseatrull. :(

taolin4chan. Saw a bunch of people pictured with capsules of Addy, spoke to a couple of people. No longer followed back.

JacobMendel. Did a lot with 3-D animation at our alma mater, but didn't think I was pertinent to his life as a social acquaintance who supported his art.

aiww. Responds to many of his messages on Twitter, but never mine. Not sure why because I've seen his installations.

pourmecoffee. Can't recall whether this person ever followed me back. Says non-offensive quips about politics, possibly recommended to me by a friend.

omgstephlol More familiar with her father's career.

SPINmagazine wouldn't follow me unless I was a bonafide contributor to a major record label.

MalkmusAndJicks not surprised Pavement frontman wouldn't follow back. Especially since I had to document an instance of anti-semitism at their first Detroit concert (not him).

TwoVisionaries people in New York who appeared to have a sweet blog about critical theory. They used to follow me. One of them tried to follow me individually, but I lost that e-mail (not in a cocky way, just an incredibly spammed fashion).

Albaremusic. Don't remember.

James_Shepard (see above).

HarleyChua. Perhaps, he unfollowed me when I told him 你好 after noticing he wrote in Pinyin.

SaugaCityCartel. The word suggests a drug affiliation, but this is a changed username.

oddyharahap. Don't ever remember following anyone in Indonesia, but perhaps it's a reappropriate account.

JustKiddings. Possibly followed them in 2006 with my first Twitter account?

DaveSumter. Don't remember.

JeffElder. Spoke to me about neurology or astronomy. Don't remember.

deanlandstudios. Someone, or a group of "someones" in SF that appealed to me for some reason.

DIMITRE_JEWELER. Confused this person with the wrong given name living in Brooklyn. Also, unfamiliar with his shop.

emenich. Don't know.

orianoffical. Knew.

sonicmayhem. Musical interest.

Rezzapahlevi. Don't know.

TweetInTheRaw. Def. don't know someone in Joplin, MO.

DesignNewz. Can Google you again should I need CSS inspiration.

socialmadds. Don't know: don't read.

Vinny from Jersey Shore. Offered to proofread his blog, noticed severe grammatical errors. No further discussion.

jjmilliner. I meant to accept your follow & follow you.  1 of 2 Visionaries.

addthis. Don't know. Now, strikes me as a stupid feed related to compulsive accumulation of Apps.

nosexcity. An ex of an ex. Not interested in her sex (no sex) blog.

joindiaspora. Just liked the name.

FilmOnTV. Same.

nikrichie. Used to follow back. Can only believe that my personal narrative turned off this gossip blogger.

nii_tus. He followed me first!

ChaarlieSheen. A joke account, idk.

SKBOWLERZ. Don't remember.

HaniSidewalkArt: liked his sidewalk sketches in urban areas.

lessavyfav. Probably saw one of their shows, then forgot about them.

stanyanhouse. Herm.

ColettePatterns. A pretty blog.

louisck. Doesn't know I'm alive (not crushing on him). Don't worray!

AndrewSparrow. Hope I didn't piss that journalist off for vague, political statements.

MissFrankieRose: liked her voice in Chicago, or before I heard of her and researched her lyrics, etc.

dumdumgirls. I'd have to shit my pants before they lost their ego enough to acknowledge me in real or fake life.

TeenMomWetpain. Title of account is not relevant to some joke about following MTV's Teen Mom.

__SHIGETO just liked "Driving on Huron River Dr."

How To Lose Your 30K Job At Your Alma Mater

When I suggested that I had proof showcasing myself getting fired for requesting tuition for my M.A.: my former colleagues suggested I was incapable of scanning a document. Here's the proof of both.

FYI: Even if someone wanted to create a discordant argument by stating that he/she noticed that these documents were unsigned; I have proof and copies of this as a signed article. I printed out two copies, made my supervisor sign both, and recorded each document. Even if someone tried to kill me, these documents are still saved in various databases. The reason why they are not disclosed with the names of the retired is.... It is not my intention to shame the careers or successes of my predecessors, but merely to articulate the insane violation of my human rights. I have a right to not be denied what is considered common, acceptable funding for graduate students working full-time for the University of Michigan. If no one tries to hassle me, I will post a similar expose proving that NYU has just denied me admission to their graduate school on the basis of documents I have electronically photographed. As in, their admissions department suggested that I did not submit online application records, but I will publicize the records sent to my email confirming the online applications that were all successfully submitted. 

I have long documented my plight in a way not seeking pity, but redress or reinstatement for the natural continuation of my career that I have been illegally denied. When I first "went public" about this, much like my undergraduate years in college, social ostracism was the result. No change was experienced in relation to this further instance of administrative abuse, in fact, all that happened was I lost friends victimized by this type of power struggle. I'm not keen to ever repeat these experiences. They do not present me as a neurotic or mentally ill person, rather, one victimized by the pursuit of their literary studies at their own expense. I cannot pretend to understand the basis of such nonsense, but since I first publicly opposed these measures, my security has suffered.  

Insensible Rant No. 6084

Above: Look at that Disgusting Water

'Tis nothing more disgusting than the liquid commonly referenced as "water" or "H20-no." It's very nothingness and fluidity is reprehensible to mankind. Human beings should be occupied in the pursuit of diabetes through the accumulation of saccharine and chemically-altered sodas. Famous American, George Washington, once suggested in a lackadaisical way, "Give me water, or give me death." Ancient colonial writer, John Stuart Mills followed up with the statement that all babies of the empire should be eliminated in the purpose of preserving water, and something satirical about the political events of that age. Big French man, John Donne, continued to preoccupy himself with collecting lovers, fleas in bawdy Norway. The scourge of the question for hydration preoccupied roving Mongol Mogul, Gangs Is Chaka Khan..

Rome fell due to improper aqueduct brinkmanship, while Venice stewed in streets of sewers. There isn't much to be said of Western Civilization, but Eastern Civilization managed to invent papyrus, rice paper, and every commodity. Yet, whether it was groups that could be collectively referred to as The Chinese, or the Aztecs, or the Dutch; every species of man descended from a monkey aptly named Purgatorius,  proceeded to compete for the development of hydrophilic water, known technically from its origin in medical terminology. The fate of Western Philosophy fell upon Robert M. Pirsig and that charming Guatemalan Mohammed Ghandi. The role of sequencing the extended workplace into song-and-dance arias (also known as auras) became the burden of Charles Chaplin, the kid picked last in gym class. Ever since the assignation of the vantage point and the attribution of incoherency to postmodernism, the new blights of coco-water, Smart Water, water with electrolytes, over-priced water, distiller water, water-with-wings, water pills, etc. emerged within markets where consumers struggled over the purchase of kale as opposed to vegetarian-friendly spinach in some locales, whilst in others, workers in a Michigan franchise were arrested for cultivating cannabinoids in an empty room on the top floor of Meijer. You must understand, that all New England thinkers ranging from Jeff "Stunna" Chaucer to Tom Brady to Pembroke to Wordsworth, all suggested that the nefarious water made them "lonely as clouds" and take "the road less travelled," while "nothing gold could stay" and "the art of war(s)" against and for the cultivation of water emerged.

In some regions, the ancestral monkeys were besieged by either too much or too little water. Herodotus believed that a Grecian chariot mechanic was to blame for the progression of time, which was also responsible for the explanation of water. When Mount Vesuvius exploded, Jane "Big Player" Eyre and George Elliot (two, young men in Pompeii), compared the flow of lava to that of water, which compelled Socrates and his buddy, Aristotle, and Freud to begin their pursuit of water-sports. The young Jung insisted that hang-gliding, though structurally similar to the mechanism of wind-surfing that Freud preferred, was inherently different from said sport. Simply, this was said because he happened to need something different to comment upon from Freud when talking to some frat boys, Hegel and Heidegger. Karl Marx did not make the football team that year on account of the woes of capitalism. Tolstoy avowed himself of Dickens, dry ice, and crystallized water once and for all. A man name Goethe would spend considerable time pondering this event, when others like Marcel Proust pursued the task of writing in insulated rooms.

Nothing further can be said about the connection between these molecules, the gravity of dehydration in warm climates, nor, the preference for city or country water.

On Bullies, Cyber-bulling and Relational Aggression

Not too long ago I made a post that was rhetorically in defense of a minor exploited by the sex industry who got irrationally bullied in response to their marriage. I don't think that compels a person to be featured in Vogue on the basis of no political, professional, or personal rhetoric. I would not ever rescind my post in defense of what I identified as cyber-bullying within a moment's notice. It only takes a life-long victim of bullying to formulate a rhetorical argument in favor of ___. 

It only came to my attention that I have to do note-taking on the prescience of verbal aggression. I have long believed that my personal livelihood is not in question, based upon my behavior or discourse upon the Internet. However, after experiencing a life-long situation of bullying, having my family members selectively forgetting said instances, and being threatened for making arguments in favor of strangers; I should talk about it.

For many years of my life, I experienced the sole discrimination of being a child who happened to have the misfortune of their biological mother dying at age 7. My grandmother (this woman's biological parent) can no longer recall what age I was at the passing of her own daughter. Much of my life has been predisposed against my own personality or subjugating me for failing to have two parents in a small community in Michigan that was only fostered in populace by the locale of the state prison. As a person who got verbally antagonized by my history teacher (a woman with the worst hair I have ever seen named Mz. Terrier), I learned to internalize that if you did not comply with rules; you would foresee state prison as your future. Not only was this illogical or a classic case of administrative abuse, but my own histological process as a minor without a parent had normalized my behavior to this situation.

On the day my mother died, no one informed me to neglect attending school the next morning. The next morning was picture day, in which, I had to "Smile" for an underpaid photographer. I thought that going to school the next morning was my most dutiful procession in life. I was surrounded by my entire class who began to interrogate me as to whether I could attest that it was the lack of identity of my mother (or heteronormativity that) could be confirmed by my presence and existence in life; and, subsequent, disabandonment in the lack of care my biological father chose to exhibit in relation to his personal loss. Would comprehension of a neglected, unfair, and poorly treated or questioned disease be the responsibility of those less fiscally or fiduciary obligated to exist on the basis of heredity? 

I can merely say that since being unreasonably confronted as an "other," my social and familial life did not progress holistically. Most of my life was spent skirting the disabuse of my parent who, for his part (I can attest to this), received no psychological or relational support in regards to the loss of his spouse. I witnessed my father be victimized by the descendants of people he had grown up with on the sole basis of happening to have a deceased spouse. I would suggest that not only was my mother deemed "inoperable" under false pretenses, but every temporal event that existed in direct relation to said life event, served to predispose me to experiencing violence, whether familial or by my classmates, or my future dates.

Suffice to say, I could never receive enough legal compensation to alleviate my utter lack of self-worth from (here's the crazy part) being bullied in a parochial school. It appears that the type of brainwashing that occurred previous to my future entailed of people replicating gestures of faiths that could later be proven as bigoted and prejudiced. However, the victims of religious totalitarianism refuse to redress reality as much as those accused of being unnecessarily physically or socially aggressive during University. 

I think that, though justified and later played out into being the person most oppressed by classicism; yet, constantly having to make an argument to redress said issue, at the expense of being constantly seen as less worthy of sociability (& I am sociable).... Well, what benefit would it serve to people who would comprehend how much they benefited from an unequal system of marketplace communism that served the purpose of propagating the surviving domestic partnerships of the community? What purpose would it make for me to formulate logically sound arguments in relation to instances in life that most mature adults are unwilling to accept or see as consequences on the basis of their mere participating in what is viewed as dialectical materialism. It would not benefit a child in my previous position.

As a socially isolated child -- according to no other basis than having a mother deceased according to a terminal illness -- it did not stop a "religious right" from projecting an insanity about the ideal state of a nuclear family. To be honest, my family would have been more intact than other families that succumbed to say, the use of what was considered "white trash, drug addiction," or any other social ail that befell familial units. I'll only tell what happened to me. 

I witnessed constantly receiving no support, being bullied by teachers, and experiencing abuse at my peers for the sake of being, "Different." By the time I would have been incapable to formulate a culturally appropriate or inappropriate attitude to human sexuality (a human is not sexually mature at 7, 8, or 9); I was being assaulted on a daily level about my sexual orientation. When I was 7, I invited trading Uni-Ball pens with the blond boy I had a crush upon during elementary school. I, even, demonstrated an interest in basketball. Yet, I could not proceed without harassment to dressing in a women's locker. Ironically, a couple of my grade school bullies who taunted me for undemonstrated lesbianism (no biggie if you are, unless you're 7 & getting bullied by being called "GAY"), became out lesbians in college, on Facebox. I could only think, FUCK YOU. Coming out doesn't predispose you against mocking people who became #12 in income in your hometown, exhibiting homophobic behavior & then, readopting this as a bourgeoisie behavior.   

Not too long ago, I had to accept being utterly friendless in China and groping with racism. For many years of my life, in a conservative town, I had no friends and argued against racism, prejudice, etc., on the sole basis of it seeming unsound and, truly, morally reprehensible. When I went to China, I was able to cope with this on the basis of people irrationally hating me and forcing me to live in isolation was due to no personal fault of myself. For many years in grade school, I felt I could not "look" at female friends, even to return social gestures of eye-contact that were socially normal without it being perceived as, "homosexual." Later in life, I would rhetorically argue in favor of invisible gay people who had actually tormented me in life. I would have to listen to queer friends constantly talk about discrimination while thinking, 'I cannot express my personal history in this regard.'

What was the worse thing that happened to me? A casual person reading the Internet would be insensitive enough to wonder this question. Perhaps, others would read this as a journalistic story in which I failed to follow a paragraph arch. In middle- and high-school (and, when I was in college during high-school for the pursuit of literature [because that did not make me feel insane]); people constantly divorced me from my ability to write, focused on my aesthetics, my creative magic to dislocate myself from previous life experiences. By the time I went to high-school, I was unable to state a complete sentence without blushing or stuttering. 

Here's where this information becomes useful. To be honest, my recitation of my memory is likely to be denied. I have people who digress into 7 year-old versions of themselves, call me "weird" for no reason, and purport to have a socially acceptable presence in life. I have college friends who have moved to other cities who decide to suggest and bully me on the Internet about my life choices, which is really their regurgitated position on their own lives... somehow, projected upon me as if I were capable of handling it. 

The purpose of the essay thus far was to document my own existence, sanity, and presence in life. To this day, I am witnessing people adopting herd mentalities to suppress history, showcase their long-standing 'superiority', or reflect an ideation that has never been present in reality. When I was 13, I had a PC in my bedroom. Don't worry: I didn't develop an addiction to pornography as a politically or socially oppressed being. I read teenopendiary.com & I was the most popular contributor. Solely, because I chose the name, "Sex."

What happened to me? Well, at 25, I had to "recount" my instances of bullying to a member of my nuclear family who "forgot" to "comprehend" me complaining of abuse, disavowal, etc. at the duration of time in which it progressed. What happened to me? I was told of my sexual orientation, which was not true to me. I got bullied like a Matthew Shepard on the basis of not even being attracted to a same-sex. For every person who in college decided to hate me for experiencing discrimination, I thought it profoundly unfair that I was criticized for having similar hate crime experiences.

I think I could account instances of abuse, but the likelihood is not that someone would be compelled to click an advert. It would mean someone was j.o.ing to a Boolean phrase that returned something like "sexual abuse" and "child" & how would that benefit any present victim of said situation? Humbly, I was sabotaged in my ability to succeed in mathematics or traditionally "male" subject areas, according to female teachers. When I was in 4th grade, I loved math. I didn't get "promoted" to a higher math class, asked a teacher why only boys were allowed to move forward, and told what I would consider a departmentally biased result. 

After I failed to progress to advanced mathematics in 4th grade, on no reasonable basis, I proceeded to defeat every other child in the classroom in around-the-world, a game that required students to demonstrate their ability in reciting key mathematical concepts or fractions or tables at a quick speed. I remember defeating the entire class three times, including the boys (who had been my friends, who got to proceed to 'advanced mathematics' + Calc. in h/s), every week in math class. It was merely a situation of people kowtowing to gender roles. Could not have explained that to my sole parental figure who enjoyed spending my mother's SSI (or, not, in the case of my Roman Catholic miseducation), on leisure pursuits. I remember not feeling inherently incapable of understanding math until I was socially conditioned into believing this was beyond my ability on the basis of chromosomal alignment. I suspect it was indebted teachers sustaining gender roles at the expense of their female students. Ooh, paycheck. Smooth!

Anyway, the only person I would want to read this about bullying (because it would never make a lifetime of psychotic people disperse), would be an adolescent or young adult in the same situation. Particularly, if you think you are not incapable of doing math and find only boys achieving success in small communities, it's not your fault. Um, "why boys are better at math," let your search results direct here. That would be a lie. If you have a dead parent -- your father throws a math workbook at you, screams at you and whatnot -- it's not your fault. It's structural bias and the limits of so-called progressive Western society. 

I can only hope that some person would feel that it's not up to their classmates to determine how masculine (or feminine, or xie) they are or are not in their elementary, social world. The same context applies to all aspects of reality. No one ever told me that I wasn't "gay" after my mother passed away; and, I showed up to classed with no ribbons, and looked roughed up to the extent that a normal teacher would have contacted DHS instead of accepting peers bullying one another, or perpetuating stereotypes within their school district. 

My life situation was that I was openly mocked by teachers and peers for speaking. I became so shy that I was unable to think. I developed slight ticks before my time in middle school due to unreasonable discrimination on behalf of the children of my fathers' childhood peers and friends. I was subjected to the burden of a parent not sucking and over-compensating for the welfare of their children. Additionally, there is nothing "wrong" about someone's sexual orientation. 

Don't make me talk about middle school. Just let me say I internalized sexism, was told about my sexuality, and attributed to having a body odor (without any cause other than not having a living mother). I don't want pity, or to see a trauma therapist. I know what I feel is not illogical & all the best to you if you have to experience similar life conditions. It's not you.